A Eulogy for my dearest friend’s Dad…

This one goes to my most dearest friend Ram’s Dad, Major CK Belliappa, who was a fabulous father, a proud grandfather, a loving husband, a brave and spirited Army officer, and a staunch Kodava who played many more significant roles during his unpretentious and humble life. But above all of that, he was an absolutely amazing and remarkable human being whom we all adored and loved so unconditionally.

I have known Uncle for over two decades now and during my own varied experiences of life from college days followed by being a professonal working and living in India and abroad, my frequent travel, my marriage and more recently attaining fatherhood, my meetings with Uncle have always been staggered with breaks in between that lasted from a few days to weeks to even few years. But whenever we met, it was great and I always had the good chance to spend a few wonderful moments talking to him and catching up on things that really mattered, life and us.

I fondly remember Uncle as a very attentive listener and that’s always very reassuring, especially if you are an engaging story teller like me. I remember discussing so many things with him during the numerous conversations we’ve had that revolve around wide-ranging subjects like computers, books, travels, family or just about anything and he would always show so much interest and intent to listen and with his own inimitable mark of acknowledgement by a simple ‘Oh Yeah!’, he would reinforce the essence of making the whole discussion so much more worthwhile.

Growing up in the late 80s, when Ram and I first met in junior college and when Uncle was working with Gati, I would frequent his home in Gunrock enclave at least three or four times a week. On most occasions, I would end up spending a lot of time at his place just hang out there doing stuff like eating, drinking, watching movies on rental videos or generally idling away time doing nothing and it was always refreshing to meet Uncle who would be so unmindful of the unruly escapades of us juveniles. He would always indulge us in stories of his own little adventures at the office or the experiences of his tenure in the Army. He always had this comic banter and a bunch of really funny jokes to tell and make us all laugh. One of my favourites is the one when somebody asked him over a drink as to how did Ram happen?, and he held up his glass firmly and exclaimed, "It was fairly simple; Rum, Ram and Raam!".

In the last few years since his retirement from professional work, Uncle had moved back to his old ancestral home in Coorg located in the village of Bittangala in Kodava. Set in a pristine valley filled with an abundance of flora, fauna, fresh air and with a backdrop of coffee plantations on a hillock on one side, a barnyard with buffaloes behind and an open cultivable field on to the front. The home itself has a very modest look with basic living amenities, and with limited connectivity, frequent power cuts and arduous pathways filled with mud, rocks and slush that could give a grueling road test to any modern day SUV. In spite of its humble existence, the most striking feature of this family house is its strong history and the inimitable ‘Kodava’ character emanating from its ancient rustic architecture. And I think it was this magnetic sense of character and history that pulled Uncle back to his family home.

When most contemporary retirees are moving into big cities to embrace the luxuries of a modern lifestyle, it was very inspiring of Uncle to return to his ancestral home and bask in its glory of yester years and then add some of his own to continue its legacy. On many occasions, one could find Uncle locked up in his room which was more like a study where he would be busy browsing through his mail, scattered papers and old books.

I managed to fish out this picture of Uncle that I took in his study. Check out the collection of his books and caps in the background with an old picture of Swami Vivekananda on the wall.

There’s this other picture of him and me when we were strolling through his coffee plantation. These pictures were taken just about a year ago sometime in early to mid 2009 when he was still very strong, healthy and actively overseeing the work at his estate which he cared for so much.

I have made several trips to this ancestral home in the past few years and it has always been a memorable holiday to be able to enjoy the scenic wilderness and serene beauty of the landscape that surrounds this place.  A couple of years ago, during one of my trips to Coorg, I happen to present my copy of this book called ‘The Elephant, The Tiger and the Cell Phone’ a contemporary collection of essays on India by Shashi Tharoor and Uncle was pleasantly taken aback by this small gesture of mine. I further went on to narrate a couple of the essays in the book and it was so heartening to see him listen with so much of undivided attention, almost like a young enthusiastic school boy.

The last time I spent a few minutes talking to Uncle was on that gloomy and rainy weekday afternoon about four weeks ago in the middle of June when I had the privilege to give the family a ride in my car from St.John's hospital to his cousin's home on MG road in Bangalore. Monsoon had just set in and we had a very heavy downpour that evening and as I steered the car through the rain drenched rush hour traffic, I clearly remember catching occasional glimpses of him in the rear view mirror as he dozed off like a little baby in the rear seat, flanked by Ram on one side and his Mother on the other. Once we got to the apartment building and into the basement parking lot, he refused to get off the car and walk to the elevator as he wanted to rest more and stay in the car. However, after a bit of sustained persuasion by Ram’s cousin, he finally gave in and we walked him to the elevator and into the apartment living room.

Once settled in the living room, while we all spent the next hour or more together chatting up over a beer, Uncle was comfortably resting on the sofa and was kind of oblivious of our presence. It had been more than two months now as Uncle’s health had slowly started deteriorating since he had to make these frequent visits to the hospital to get his chemo dialysis done under medical supervision. I remember his cousin telling me that Uncle had become very stubborn with a childlike psychosis gripping him in those last two months, since his treatment and hospital visits had intensified.

As the famous Greek historian Herodotus said, ‘Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men’. It was evident that Uncle was tired and has hence passed on from all the suffering from these last few months. With his demise, I will always miss him, specially when I visit Ram's home in Coorg. I will miss talking to him and telling him stories and listening to some of his funny jokes and his laughter.

In closing, I sincerely wish and pray that God gives Ram, his Mother and the rest of his family all the strength to cope with this irreplaceble loss, and may Uncle's soul is rest in peace and tranquility in a place close to his heart, like his favourite ancestral home named ‘Channira". Amen!

The Magic of Frank Oz

I think Frank Oz is a really funny guy. For those of you who are wondering who he is, well Frank Oz is a celebrated and award winning veteran Hollywood screenwriter, director, actor, puppeteer, muppeteer and artist extraordinaire.

Earlier this morning, I woke up watching one of Frank Oz’s mid 90s films called ‘In and Out’ and it made me laugh so much that I feel much better after a serious bout of viral flu that had wrecked havoc on my vital systems since the last three days. And while I’ve been trying to recoup from the aftereffects of the strong antibiotic medication that’s literally drained me of all my remaining energies, I now feel more energetic and relaxed, thanks to Frank Oz’s hilarious movie.

The film In and Out is an interesting take on the concept of being or ‘not being’ Gay and how it can turn ones peaceful life topsy-turvy when one is really not sure. Set in a small and idyllic Mid Western American town, a high school student becomes a famous teenage heartthrob and movie star who eventually goes on to win an Oscar for his very first film where he plays a young Gay marine fighting the Vietnam War. While accepting his ‘Best Actor’ award he affectionately thanks (like most winning actors do with their never ending shower of gratitude to god, their parents, pets and what not) everybody and most importantly his high school teacher ‘Howard Brackett’ (played brilliantly by Kevin Kline) who taught him so many things and what an awesome influence he has been on his life. And in his closing remarks, in front of an entire worldwide television audience, announces that Howard Brackett is ‘Gay’ and thanks him so much for being that.

At that very precise moment of this totally unexpected announcement, the whole town along with its shocked denizens and Howard Brackett himself (and his lovely fiancée) watching television in that frenzy of excitement literally freeze for one whole minute cause they cannot believe what just happened. That sets an interesting tone of events and of mistaken identity for the rest of the movie whereby Howard Brackett, has to face the world and prove to them (and to himself) that he is actually not Gay and that it was a big mistake on part of his juvenile student. He first decides to do some serious introspection himself and goes on to buy this Gay Test kit that comes with an audio tape which you play and act out the instructions that will help you prove your sexual inclinations and preferences. There’s the casual standing test whereby if you have your arm on your waist like a teapot, that’s a good sign that you are gay. 

And in another test, there is a song with a disco beat and you are not supposed to dance to it. The announcer funnily enough advises you to think of great macho ‘manly’ movie stars like John Wayne and Arnold Schwarzenegger who don’t ever dance let alone walk straight in their movies. But here we have Howard Brackett dancing and cannot stop himself only to finally realize that he may actually be Gay after all. For one, he’s been engaged for three full years with his fiancée but has never slept with her cause ‘he respects’ her. And the next thing you know, the whole town is abuzz with the media descending upon this sleepy town to find this elusive and influential ‘Gay’ teacher of this Oscar winning star. There’s television anchors everywhere interviewing the teachers’ hair stylist, his colleagues, and even the mailman, this frail looking old midget of a man who during his interview goes on to say that he has never seen anything unusual about Howard Brackett and then after checking with the Anchor if it’s being telecast nationally says, ‘for god’s sake people, please write the full zip codes’. 

Well, the entire movie is a laugh riot with some really silly jokes and Frank Oz taking his dig on the Oscars too.

While I am at all this, what I have come to realize is that when you are really feeling sick (as in unwell) it’s very comforting and downright soothing to watch a funny movie, maybe one of Frank Oz’s, you can take your pick from, say the classic ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’, or the more recent ‘Death at a Funeral’ and discover how a hearty laugh during your sickness can do wonders to your health and help you recoup faster.

As for Frank Oz, even at 66 he continues to entertain the world with his magical and comical creativity. Here’s a bit of interesting Frank Oz trivia for you; He’s the man behind the famous ‘Sesame Street’ kids program on television right from 1969 to this day. He’s the original creator of the Muppet Movie and its adorable characters including the sexy Ms Piggy and Kermit the frog and to go even further, Frank Oz is the voice and puppeteer behind the Jedi master Yoda in all of the Star Wars series of movies that we have either loathed or loved to watch all these years.

And by the way, one very distinct and rather absurd thing I noticed while watching the movie ''In and Out' on HBO this morning was that while it had its usual dose of English subtitles (which seems to be the norm of the day for all those ambitious English movie channels broadcasting across a nation of predominantly non English speaking audience especially from Cooch Bihar), there was never a subtitle of the word ‘ Gay’ during the entire duration of the movie in spite of the fact that there must have been a thousand times this word would have been spoken throughout the film. In a country that ‘seems’ to have become upwardly mobile, progressive and liberated with recent Bollywood hits like ‘Dostana’ being made and so much media buzz created around the whole LGBT hype, what damage were the censors trying to prevent by knocking off the word Gay from the subtitles when that’s the actual and essential fun element of the film. I don’t get it and neither will those clueless viewers in Cooch Bihar.

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